Thursday, February 21, 2013

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What's it like to homeschool as a night owl?


So... it's 10:24 p.m. and I'm sitting down to write this blog post. In fact, I'm sitting down to do a bunch of tasks, of which this post is an early entry on the list.

I have always been a night person. In high school, it wasn't uncommon for me to be up until 2 or 3 a.m., watching movies with friends in my living room, then rolling out half-functional at 7:30 a.m. in my neighbor's truck, headed for school and downing enough iced tea to get me coherent along the way.

During my worst semesters of college, I worked a full-time job from 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. or later. I'd come home, wake up Sarah, who was an infant, and hang out with her for a few hours before dozing off around 3 a.m., and heading back to school around 8:30 a.m. I was tired, but I got to see my girl!

I met my husband working on the night desk at our local newspaper. We were often the last pair standing - heading out the door around 2 or 3 a.m.

Sarah has always needed a lot of sleep. When she needed to be up for school at 7:30 a.m., she'd go to bed around 8 p.m. - and when middle school started and she needed to be up at 6:30 a.m., she was crashing at 8:30 p.m., barely having time to do more than cram in her homework and wolf down dinner after getting home. And let's not mention how Chris and I looked, walking her to the bus after (still) getting done work overnight.

So among all the other reasons that homeschooling sounded like the right fit for us, getting out of that cycle was a great bonus!

It's definitely been a huge relief for us to be able to adapt much more to our "night owl" schedule. At the same time, we've come face-to-face with a lot of misconceptions. Most are the same misconceptions I faced when I worked night shifts. And most come from people who know us, and know our schedule.

I can tell you that I've never been upset when someone we don't know calls us at 9 a.m. Yep, it wakes me up, but if you don't know otherwise, I accept that. Those are "business hours," and I'm fine with that.

I can also tell you that when people who KNOW us get upset when I don't answer my phone at 8:30 a.m., that's frustrating. When someone asks us what time is convenient to get together, and we say "any time between 1 p.m. and midnight," and they laugh and suggest an 11 a.m. lunch, that kind of hurts.

Sometimes, it's easy to want to be snappish. To want the world to operate on our schedule. That'd be awesome. (Museums open at midnight? YEAH!) But that's not actually my goal.

Really, what I'd love is simply to have "night-owldom" recognized as a legitimate and viable personality trait, the same as a preference for lima beans or hot weather - maybe not common, but totally OK.

  • We're not lazy when we're in bed at 10 a.m., just like you're not lazy when you go to bed at 9 p.m.
  • We're not antisocial when we opt out of 9 a.m. group trips, just like you're not antisocial if you don't join us for an 11:30 p.m. movie.
  • We don't find midnight science experiments at all unusual, just like you don't find 8 a.m. art projects at the breakfast table uncommon.
  • We're not hurting our daughter's chances at getting a "real job" someday. (This was probably the most hurtful comment I've received.) If Sarah wants to, she can and will get up. If she prefers, which she probably will, she'll get a job that has her starting at 5 or 10 p.m. Hey, it worked for me and for her dad! By the same token, we know that not everyone can work second or third shift, so if your kids are getting up at 7 a.m., that's fine too - just please, trust them to know their bodies and know the times they're most productive.

Most of all, please know that our night-owl family isn't judging your early-bird one. Maybe we're even a little jealous, because you get to go to museums fully conscious! (If we do that, we're only there 2 hours before they close!)

In return, though, let it be OK that we love nighttime. There's plenty of daylight - or starlight - for all of us.

And if you're a fellow night-owl homeschooler, feel free to share our nocturnal friend above. I'd love to start a tribe of "night-schoolers!"

Many thanks to Flickr user Michelle Wright for the base night-owl image!

25 comments

  1. I actually love this!! I work 12 hour shifts at night and homeschool during the day. It is draining to say three least. The other half works days though. Hhhmmm. I so need to figure out a way that we can sleep days and be up at night without disturbing him. The kiddos are all night owls just like me and would love it!!

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    1. Amanda, you bring up a good point and something I didn't get into - we're lucky because we all generally can operate on the same schedule. And in our case, having only one child, and her being older, means that even if someone's in bed (my mom often goes up around 9:30 or 10), we're all quiet enough and the house is large enough that it doesn't matter too much.

      I'm glad you're part of the night-owl club, but I can't imagine then homeschooling during the day! You must be pretty tired! :)

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  2. Here, Here! I'm not a homeschooler {yet}, but I am considering it, & I love this post! I wholeheartedly agree with all of your points! Thanks so much! {note the time of this comment, LOL}

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    1. whoops! It's actually 2:56 AM where I am:-)

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    2. Shiloh, good morning! :) I do love some 2:56 a.m. comment love!!!

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  3. This makes me think. Lilah had the hardest time getting up for school (she still has a hard time getting up) because she likes to lay and bed and read, or write, or draw until 11:00 or so. The problem? I am not a night owl and neither is her sister. This often causes conflict when I have to close my eyes for the night and her sister wants to do things at 9am. This gave me perspective into Lilah's point of view. Thank you.

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    1. Jessica, that's the hardest thing, I think - when your family members are best at DIFFERENT times.

      The thing that works well for us is that now, we're all at a phase of our life when we can operate separately. So some nights, actually, Sarah stays up later than Chris and I (if we have an "office morning" where we need to be out the door at 8 a.m. And that works fine for us!

      Tell Lilah she's in good company, though :)

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  4. I really appreciate this post! I am not a night owl, but my 15 year old son is. He starts his schooling at 3pm...just when I need a break. We are still struggling to work out a reasonable way of working it out, but I strongly believe in his right to do things when he wants to, despite the fact that some people think he is just being lazy.

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    1. Phyllis, I so agree! And at 15, he is really becoming aware of his own body and what works for him. Sarah really is just now starting to "realize" she's a night person - before, she was just a tired, unfocused daytime person, and now, she's finding that when she works at her prime time, she can really accomplish things, so it's been nice for her to have that feeling of satisfaction in it!

      But I think managing in a larger family has got to make it much harder to accommodate that - especially, like you said, because that's when you're ready for a REST! And with the number of activities you guys do together, that's got to be hard too! :)

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    2. My Mr 15 and I are running into the same issues. A couple of compromises are helping. Firstly, I stopped "helpfully" reminding him to start work at an hour that was acceptable to me, and he stopped assertively requiring my help in my "off-duty hours". As he's got busier with outside stuff we realised we needed more overlap in on duty hours so he is now starting earlier and I'm remaining available later. It's mostly working.

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    3. Sandra, those are a very fair set of compromises! I love that!

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  5. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I think I might have gotten the ad off. IT was a vocal ad. So when you open the page it starts playing this ad. YOu hear it not see it. I went in Html and looked around. I found something there that didn't look fimilar so I deleted and I haven't heard the sound since. I am hoping whatever it was that that was it. :)

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    1. Nikki, that's good! If you run into problems, feel free to let me know!

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  6. Super cool image, Joan! Great post. I love how homeschooling is so flexible for a family. If I ever run for president -- we should all homeschool and work at home. Imagine how peaceful our lives would be then? : )

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    1. Pick me for a Cabinet position in THAT administration, Shawn!

      I hereby enact the yoga pants law of 2016. Yoga pants shall be considered appropriate attire for all situations! :)

      And you're so right - the PEACE that comes with flexibility, that's the part that's priceless!

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  7. I think it's awesome that you all have found a way to make your sleep/awake schedules work for you! I LOVE the flexibility of homeschooling :) We are not exactly night owls, but we do tend to do things on the later end than lots of people. Whenever my nieces spend the night with us, it's always a struggle because they're used to going to bed much earlier than my girls.

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    1. I think that's the key - using the flexibility to do what works BEST! :)

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  8. I love this Joan and so agree. At this point in my life I am not a night owl but I have been and I struggled through my days too. Keilee still gets up early but I have already decided if she wants to sleep until noon that will be fine with me. I have ALWAYS believed that one day they will discover that alarm clocks take years off your life. It has got to be a shock to your system day after day to be startled awake. Thankfully we use our alarm clock very rarely. Wonderful post. Isn't it amazing how homeschooling works differently for different families? :)

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    1. That's the key - that you both respect each other and that whatever works for you will be OK with the other! I like that you guys have the same "personal time zone," just like I like that we do, because it means we can spend more time together, but if it didn't work for Sarah, I'd be OK with that too!

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  9. I'm so happy to have found your blog! I am a total night owl and it is really hard to homeschool.My son isn't an early bird but he gets up at 9 or 10 usually. I struggle to get up at 11 am. I feel like such a bad mom. What stinks is even when I force myself to go to sleep at 9 or 10 pm....I still oversleep. My son is able to get work done on his own until I get up but lately we've had problems with him sneaking food or playing until I get up. I try to get my sleep schedule to fit him but I constantly fail. I'm honestly thinking about starting school at 1 pm like a friend of mine. I'm just not sure how we will finish in time before afternoon activities. I don't mind him playing in the morning if I allow it but I do worry about the sneaking food issues and tormenting the cat. I worry something might happen to him. He's seven and we're finishing up 2nd grade.

    I also get a lot done at night. I've always been a night owl. Even in elementary school I could stay up all night during sleepovers. My Dad made me go to bed early during Highschool when I lived with him but I was still late almost every day. When he let me help him with his late night paper shift (starting at 1 am) I had fun and did good staying up...eating at the waffle house. Those close to me know that I am very productive at night but I know some people think I'm lazy. I'm constantly told that it's unhealthy. Our homeschool group has field trips really early. The one that was at 11 frustrated some people because their kids were ready for naptime and lunch. We were happy to make it to a trip for once. I truly think this world is made for morning people.

    I'm 28 and I have actively tried for years to become a morning person...or honestly just a daytime person period. Sunday morning church is such a struggle for me....especially Sunday School. I hate alarm clocks but I do have a hard time waking up on my own. I fall back asleep several times. I truly feel weak in the morning (noon even). It takes me a couple of hours to get fully awake. When I was a kid my Mom would put a wet rag on my face, bring me hot tea, and turn music on to help me up. The music got my adrenaline going. My hubby helps me sometimes and my mom still calls me every now and then to wake me up. Pitiful I know. Anywho, I'm so glad to find your blog and maybe this will help me make my afternoons and nights more productive. Sorry this comment was so long. I'm just so happy to meet a homeschooling night owl! God bless!

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    1. Amber, I am so glad you stopped by!! I am here to tell you that you're NOT lazy or a bad mom. You are amazing. I think people negate how hard it is to operate on the world's general schedule when it's NOT your prime time, and I for one know just how hard that is!

      I will tell you, too, that it gets easier the older your kids get. Even if we had been homeschooling, I think I would have had a harder time of things when Sarah was younger. So my prayer is that you and your son will find a rhythm that works for both of you in the coming couple of years (though I know it's hard in the meantime!)

      I also had to laugh, as I am NEVER one for Sunday school or early service - 10 a.m. service is a job all by itself!! :)

      I'm definitely going to be following your family's journey - and I hope you'll stop back sometimes and see what we're up to at night! (Did you see our midnight yoga post that was a couple weeks after this one?)

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  10. I'm so happy to know that someone out there "gets us!" :-) Thank you!!!

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    1. You're VERY welcome. You are not alone! :)

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  11. A big fat amen and God bless you for doing what is right and true for your family no matter what the nosy insecure busy bodies say :-)

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